My ten year reunion is this year and I have this little battle going on in my head about whether I want to go or not. You see, I'm a perfectionist. Yes, that's right. I was diagnoised by lulliloo this afternoon while sitting around with friends explaining my excuses for not wanting to go to the reunion.
My excuse: People may view me as a failure. As someone who had potential but just fell short and missed it in some way.
This lie, that I have failed, is creating anxiety within me. Yes, I have made mistakes and will make more. My shit does stink. I will not deny it. But I am not a failure. In fact, I am confident that I have been anything but.
But why is it that I still allow myself to be intimidated by this lie? Why does the thought even linger within me?
Our society has fed me these Lies:
We only deserve respect if…
We are only valuable if...
We are only worthy if…
I’m feasted on these Lies and many others for years. Even gorged myself on them to the point that I have forgotten the Truth.
That Truth that we are loved even when our shit stinks.
I do not want to be a Perfectionist anymore. I do not want to be the one who raises the bar for others… that imaginary bar that keeps people from wanting to go to reunions and such.
Goodbye Lies.
Hello Truth.
Monday, June 30, 2008
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