enduring, a moment at a time

My heart is sad tonight. A friend learned she has a brain tumor. This lady has been a pillar of strength and endurance to me over the years. She is one of many, many people facing a battle... facing pain in their lives. Pain can look so different. But isn't it all the same?

I am sad that people have to experience any sort of pain in their life. At moments like this, when life just hurts, I tend to go do something. Usually, I choose work. It is my coping skill of choice. It is not healthy and does not allow me to process my feelings. But I have chosen it nonetheless over and over again.

I know that as I sink myself into the reality of the moment and experience the pain I will be moving in a much healthier direction. I just don't want to feel. Pain is scary.

History tells me that facing reality and enduring the pain is what brings about healing. So tonight I will sit in my sadness and ask for hope to come fill my being.

Disappointed at 3 1/2

I had about five conversations with Ava today that were all a version of this:

Ava: Can Ava have a popcicle?
Me: No, would you like an apple?
Ava: Can Ava have a lollypop?
Me: No, would you like some turkey?
Ava: Can Ava have cheetos?
Me: No, you need to eat something healthy.
Ava: Can Ava have chocolate milk?
Me: You can have an apple or some carrots.
Ava: Umm, how bout Ava has some popcicles?

Oh, the little looks of disappointment that flash over Ava's face when she doesn’t get what she wants... such a mixture of anger, frustration, and hope all mixed together and served as cute!