My ten year reunion is this year and I have this little battle going on in my head about whether I want to go or not. You see, I'm a perfectionist. Yes, that's right. I was diagnoised by lulliloo this afternoon while sitting around with friends explaining my excuses for not wanting to go to the reunion.
My excuse: People may view me as a failure. As someone who had potential but just fell short and missed it in some way.
This lie, that I have failed, is creating anxiety within me. Yes, I have made mistakes and will make more. My shit does stink. I will not deny it. But I am not a failure. In fact, I am confident that I have been anything but.
But why is it that I still allow myself to be intimidated by this lie? Why does the thought even linger within me?
Our society has fed me these Lies:
We only deserve respect if…
We are only valuable if...
We are only worthy if…
I’m feasted on these Lies and many others for years. Even gorged myself on them to the point that I have forgotten the Truth.
That Truth that we are loved even when our shit stinks.
I do not want to be a Perfectionist anymore. I do not want to be the one who raises the bar for others… that imaginary bar that keeps people from wanting to go to reunions and such.
Goodbye Lies.
Hello Truth.
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4 comments:
the thing is that we don't often believe truth until we're bathed in it, saturated, prun~y. full.
takes us taking it in at every moment those lies present...i'm right there with my own set to disown.
i love you. love that you wrote about this. love that you let my puffed-up ego walk around a room and 'diagnose' you with something that i have as well:)
love that you're writing finally.
it takes a lot of courage to admit the things you write about. courage that i admire greatly. i say go to the reunion. show off pictures of your gorgeous daughter! talk about your many accomplishments and iron man! I envy your strength and determination. please keep writing. i love reading it!
Finish "The Shack" heehee. WHo are we to sit on the judgement seat of christ and decide what bad and good is. Or who is beautiful and who is not. My favorite is when we think we can measure success and failure my a job, an income, a marriage, children or education. I think this lie is exactly the reason Jesus wasborn in a manger, was a carpenter and was nothing to look at. He came to say....I don;t value what you value...I even made my streets out of gold. Streets that are walked on and not admired made from the metal we value most. Funny how backwards we have thought. In God's eyes you are exactly where He wants you and he has wonderful thoughts about you like the grains of sand.
Hello truth! Amen to that. Let's go together... two messed up, fun-loving, beautiful girls in flip flops who are taking one honest day at a time.
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